When Dumbo Gets A Little Bold

zoo fail

He’s just doing the friendly thing and introducing himself, surely.

Hey, Pretty Lady

Sometimes life just isn’t fair. Look at this picture for example. An elephant pulls a stunt like this and all the sudden it’s a funny picture that everyone can enjoy, but if you try and do the exact same maneuver while writing the city bus then all of a sudden you are a “sex offender.”

Oh sure, it’s cute when a baby animal cops a feel on an unsuspecting passerby, but when an adult does it all of a sudden words like “assault” start getting tossed around. And you can completely forget about using a picture like this to justify your behavior. Judges and prosecuting attorneys are going to say things like, “I don’t care what the baby elephant did, you can’t go around putting your hand up strangers skirts.”

With all those animal rights activists running around preaching about how we need to treat animals fairly and humanely and the way we would like to be treated, a person might start wondering whether or not there are do-gooders out there that are just as willing to advocate on the behalf of people who just one act the way that animals are allowed act. Oh, you’re likely to hear people talking about how humans are supposed to be more involved, but aren’t we all just animals?

You can bet your bottom dollar that this baby elephant is good to go back to the pin with the rest of his pals are hanging out and brag about how he got to second base with the tourist while encouraging his friends to “smell my trunk.”

You can tell right off the bat that he’s up to no good. After all, what kind of elephant wears jewelry around his wrist? He’s clearly the bad boy of the local pachyderms.

I guess before we spend too much time condemning him for his actions, it would help to have a little bit more information about exactly what she was up to write before the incident occurred. For example, we can’t really blame the elephant for acting the way that he did if she was the one who walked up to him and said something like, “Is that a huge appendage on your face, or are you just happy to see me?”

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May 14

Bike Fail

bike

Perhaps a tandem bicycle might work better.

Mooove Out Of The Way

You can laugh if you want to, but if you are okay with the idea of a Hollywood starlet carrying one of those ridiculously small dogs around her purse, then why can’t a grown man take his favorite cow for some fresh air?

Unfortunately, we really don’t have enough context to put together a complete idea of what is going on in this picture, except to note that the count is surprisingly calm considering that it’s riding shotgun on a motorcycle that should’ve probably been retired about 30 years ago.

There’s a chance the guy is the ultimate when it comes to delivering fast food that is as fresh as possible. This could be going on one of those countries where cows are sacred, which means that truly devoted people like to take them out for a ride in the countryside. Or, this could be a performance art piece with a well constructed replica cow made from fiberglass and papier-mâché in order to make a statement about the encroachment of modern technology on ancient civilization.

What’s really surprising about this picture is not so much that there’s a man writing with a cow on the front of his motorcycle, but that he has to be one of the greatest motorcycle riders in the history of human civilization in order to maneuver that bike around with a beast of burden perched on the tank. Anyone who has ever ridden a motorcycle with a passenger knows that getting the passenger to move with the driver is the key to getting to where you are going as safely as possible. When the driver leans, the passenger has to lean. This means that this guy either has the skill to handle that bike even if the livestock is a little fidgety, or he has his cow so well trained that it is instinctively knows how to properly ride a bike.

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April 6

Stuffed Animal Fail

stuffedanimal

What kid is going to want that stuffed animal?

Clearly, the little fellow on the right sustained a fair amount of head trauma somewhere down the line. All that time spent waiting for the perfect home, only to suffer a debilitating injury somewhere along the line. Hopefully, whoever managed to snatch this guy from the crane machine also has one of those novelty baseball helmets in the back of a closet somewhere to keep this little lion, or bear, or bear cub, or whatever it is, from getting any more messed up.

What’s really confusing about the stuffed animals that you have no idea what he’s looking at. Did he rolled his eyes one too many times only to find that it eventually start that way just like his mom always said? Is he so bored with whatever’s in front of him that you just can’t bear to use both of his eyes to look at it at the same time?

This should serve as an important public service announcement to everyone out there who thinks that stuffed animals are just forgettable toys for children and misbehaving dogs. One could easily add this picture to that depressing commercial that features Sarah McLachlan making us all feel terrible while we try to enjoy our dinner. Doesn’t this “special” fellow deserve a home full of love and compassion just like his slightly brighter looking companion?

The perfect place for this guy is guarding the border separating the Island of Misfit Toys from the rest of the gadgets and gizmos that promise not to give children nightmares or severely scar them for life.

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