cc licensed shared by EpicFail (c) 2013
Now that is how you pimp your ride.
So you got into a little bit of a fender bender? What are you going to do, spend thousands of dollars at some auto body shop to have it fixed up as good as new? Not if you have an innovative, can-do attitude you’re not. Instead, this is the perfect opportunity to turn your car into a classic that is sure to get noticed and turn heads no matter where you are.
Woodys were all the rage a few decades ago. Even in the 80s you could find cars with faux wood paneling on the sides. Why not do one better and actually put a wooden door on your car? Unless your parking spot is right on top of a termite mound, there’s no good reason not to do this. In fact, you don’t have to wait until some person backs into your driver-side door in order to put this technique to use. If you’ve got some basic hand tools, or even a chainsaw, you can tear that boring old door off and replace it with any of the ones in your home for a look that is completely custom and one-of-a-kind.
Now, before you get started there are a few things that you should know. First of all, there is no way that this is even remotely street legal. Second of all, you’re not the want to drive around when it’s raining, windy, or really ever. Lastly, you’re going to want to go ahead and remove that fancy stereo since it’s going to be incredibly easy for criminals to break in.
It’s sleek and aerodynamic just isn’t for you, and your property is relatively free of termites and wasps, adding some genuine American hardwood to your ride is the best way to make sure that you and your ride get the attention you deserve. Even if your car spending the majority of its time on cinderblocks out in front of your house, you can make sure that it is making a statement about who you are and what you can do with little more than a couple of hand tools and some old pallets.
Simply copy and paste the code below into your web site (Ctrl+C to copy)
More
cc licensed shared by Theyfailed (c) 2013
Its electric, why put it on the hot stove?
This is what happens when you don’t get that morning cup of coffee that you need. You start making bad decisions. Sure, they seem like great ideas at the time, but that’s only because you’re too groggy to see all the holes in your plan.
Think about it, you wake up early in the morning and you really need that first cup of coffee to get you moving. Who has time to wait 15 min. for the coffee to brew? You have things to do. So, you figure that the best way to speed things up is to double the amount of heat and put that electric percolator on your gas stove and have your coffee done in half the time. If it fails, like it inevitably will, you have one heck of a mess to clean up on your stove and a ruined coffee maker to boot, but if it works, you have just revolutionized mornings. Your next step will be putting the toaster and microwave so that you can have your breakfast in record time.
Coffee fuels the office drones that run the phone banks that keep us on hold while we try to figure out what the balances on our credit cards. It makes it possible to tolerate that chipper spouse or roommate who is just a little too upbeat first thing in the morning. Unfortunately, until you actually learn to program the timer on your fancy coffee maker so that it gets going long before you crawl out of bed, there really is no shortcut available.
Simply copy and paste the code below into your web site (Ctrl+C to copy)
More
cc licensed shared by EpicFail (c) 2013
You can’t be hardcore when you have a Minnie Mouse case cover.
Everyone knows that life on the streets is tough. In fact, all you have to do is sit down and watch one of those inspirational urban movies from the 90s to see just how difficult it is for young person to break free of the crime and drug use in order to get an education and lead a successful life as a productive member of society. What those movies never tell you, however, is how difficult it is to grow up in the suburbs.
Sure, urban kids may have to deal with pimps, drug dealers, and prostitutes on every corner, not to mention gangs, but kids in the suburbs have to deal with their parents not purchasing the right videogame console. Just imagine for a moment how hard it is for a kid growing up in a cookie-cutter McMansion in one of those forgettable suburban cul-de-sacs when their parents insist on buying them Reeboks instead of Nikes. Suburb kids have to occasionally make do with things like store brand cereal. They might have last year’s Mac Book. They might even have to share a Netflix account with other members of the family.
With all of the hardships that upper middle class kids have to put up with, it should come as no surprise that they turn to the same tactics as kids from the ghetto. They find other like minded youths and form gangs. As any cop or adult who has watched 21 Jump Street can tell you, gangs inevitably lead to handkerchiefs being worn as hats, convoluted secret handshakes, and pictures to prove your gang affiliation.
Fortunately, these kids are nothing if not resilient and they find a way to band together and show everyone just how tough they are. If that means snapping a picture in front of the mirror in the master bathroom with their little sister’s Minnie Mouse iPhone, well so be it. You can still be street tough even if you don’t live in the hood, but it does mean that occasionally you have to do your drive-bys from the back seat of your mom’s Volvo while she drives you to the theater on her way to spin class.
Simply copy and paste the code below into your web site (Ctrl+C to copy)
More
cc licensed shared by Theyfailed (c) 2013
Is this why there is never any toilet paper left on the roll?
The comes a point in everyone’s life and the need to take a step back and carefully consider the choices that they have made throughout their life that have led them to this particular point in time. Climbing in your car and finding that you have a 6 foot toilet paper tail is exactly one of those occasions.
On the surface, it’s just funny to think about a person walking out of a public bathroom with that much toilet paper sticking out the back side of their drawers, but it does lead to some very uncomfortable questions that beg to be answered.
First of all, if you honestly don’t realize that you still have told the paper stuck to your backside after you’ve done your business, then have you really gotten yourself as clean as you should be? Did you sit on the toilet so long that your backside was numb and you couldn’t actually feel the tickle of single ply flapping against it? And what, exactly, is the TP sticking to? Is it wedged between your cheeks, pinned to your lower back by the elastic of your underpants, or is there, heaven forbid, some type of substance acting as a glue to hold it in place as you pull your pants back up?
Second of all, if by some chance that much toilet paper didn’t just happen to follow you off the role and tear once the tensile strength gave way, then that means that you deliver early pulled half the roll off and just forgot to use it. Nobody needs that much toilet paper. If you think you do, then you need to take a step back and realize that you have passed the point where toilet paper is efficient and need to start considering a shower instead.
Simply copy and paste the code below into your web site (Ctrl+C to copy)
More
cc licensed shared by Themetapicture (c) 2013
How do you not realize that, that is wrong?
Oh, the fashion industry, always setting an unrealistic standard for average, everyday women. First, they try to convince women that they need to be stick figure thin in order to be considered attractive. But, if that wasn’t enough that women all over the world are starving themselves trying to fit some ridiculous standard of beauty, now the movers and shakers in the fashion world have upped the ante by completely re-imagining what the ideal anatomical arrangement of a woman’s body should be.
Sure, women with a strong sense of self may decry this objectification of the female form and declare that they are happy with themselves just the way they are, but what happens when that Don Draper looking guy at the bar sipping on a cocktail looks right past them and focuses his attention instead on the lady with her head and shoulders below her waist? Even the most GRRL Powered lady is going to wonder if her decision to stick with what evolution delivered is going to mean that her choices are significantly reduced. Oh, times they are a changin’.
The only logical explanation is that the major fashion designers are in cahoots with cosmetic surgeons. Imagine the fat stacks of cash that plastic surgeons are going to rake in once women decide that they want their head to be below their hips. Not only is this going to completely change the way that clothes are designed, but everything from automobiles to bicycles are going to have to be completely re-imagined in order to make this new body type even remotely functional.
Of course, there is always the chance that some workers simply screwed up the one job that they had, but I think we can all agree that it’s a pretty remote possibility. After all, commonly times do you see someone screw the pooch as elegantly as this? We’re talking about a puzzle consisting of exactly 2 pieces. Even a toddler could figure out how to put this billboard together. Since human error can easily be ruled out as the culprit, the only explanation that makes any sense is that we are witnessing a delivery conspiracy.
Simply copy and paste the code below into your web site (Ctrl+C to copy)
More
cc licensed shared by Theyfailed (c) 2013
How are some people this dumb?
From people typing ridiculous porn terms as their status because they mistake Facebook for Google the individuals who have completely disregarded grammar altogether and are under the mistaken assumption that letters and numbers are interchangeable, social networking makes it possible for us to instantly spot the intellectually weakest of the herd.
Of course, before we are too hard on this young lady, it is worth remembering that a lauded athlete recently got busted for having a girlfriend who was completely and utterly imaginary. When the Internet starts to replace reality, it’s easy for people to make simple mistakes like believing that all they have to do is stick their credit card into the optical drive slot on their computer in order to enjoy a little online retail therapy.
After all, if people believe that “likes” equal donations for sad little orphans, why is it such a stretch to believe that a computer has a built-in credit card reader?
Forgetting for a moment that there are more ways to pay for things online than any rational, reasonable person could ever need, device manufacturers may want to sit up and take notice if they are hoping to separate their next product from the rest of the herd. Maybe they could figure out a way to use the WebCam to simply read the numbers off of somebody’s card once they flash it in front of the screen so that they don’t even have to bother typing in those pesky numbers at all.
Let’s just hope that nobody tries to convince her that the disc tray can also double as a bagel warmer, otherwise her IT guy will be able to completely stop worrying about how he’s going to put his kids through college.
Simply copy and paste the code below into your web site (Ctrl+C to copy)
More
cc licensed shared by EpicFail (c) 2013
What kid is going to want that stuffed animal?
Clearly, the little fellow on the right sustained a fair amount of head trauma somewhere down the line. All that time spent waiting for the perfect home, only to suffer a debilitating injury somewhere along the line. Hopefully, whoever managed to snatch this guy from the crane machine also has one of those novelty baseball helmets in the back of a closet somewhere to keep this little lion, or bear, or bear cub, or whatever it is, from getting any more messed up.
What’s really confusing about the stuffed animals that you have no idea what he’s looking at. Did he rolled his eyes one too many times only to find that it eventually start that way just like his mom always said? Is he so bored with whatever’s in front of him that you just can’t bear to use both of his eyes to look at it at the same time?
This should serve as an important public service announcement to everyone out there who thinks that stuffed animals are just forgettable toys for children and misbehaving dogs. One could easily add this picture to that depressing commercial that features Sarah McLachlan making us all feel terrible while we try to enjoy our dinner. Doesn’t this “special” fellow deserve a home full of love and compassion just like his slightly brighter looking companion?
The perfect place for this guy is guarding the border separating the Island of Misfit Toys from the rest of the gadgets and gizmos that promise not to give children nightmares or severely scar them for life.
Simply copy and paste the code below into your web site (Ctrl+C to copy)
More
cc licensed shared by EpicFail (c) 2013
Duct tape will not keep that truck together.
The handyman’s secret weapon. The one tool that never fails. Do you have a tent that leaks? Patch it with duct tape. Do you need to fashion a billfold out only what you have in the junk drawer in your kitchen? Duct tape to the rescue. Do you have a vehicle that’s falling apart and probably not technically legal to drive on public roads? You, my friend, can rebuild that hoopty with little more than a roll of the silver shiny stuff.
Now, before you say goodbye to auto body shops forever and do all of your customizations on your own, there are a few things that you will want to keep in mind. First of all, duct tape is not loadbearing. This means that if you use it to rebuild the sides on your pickup bed, you are going to want to make sure that whatever you are hauling around stays securely fastened in place since the duct tape box is more for looks than anything else.
Secondly, you want to stay out of the rain. And the wind. Snow probably isn’t a good idea either. The sun will eventually break, duct tape, which means that you are going to want to stay in the shade is much as possible. Actually, now that I think about it, in order to get the longest use out of your duct tape vehicle, it’s probably best to leave it in the garage where it is safely shielded from the elements.
Sure, there are a few drawbacks that come from literally taping your vehicle back together, but when you consider that a roll of duct tape probably is going to cost you less than five dollars, it’s a deal that no one can really say no to. Unless, of course, they actually want to use their vehicle in which case it’s probably best to have a professional fix it using things like OEM parts.
Simply copy and paste the code below into your web site (Ctrl+C to copy)
More
cc licensed shared by Theyfailed (c) 2013
How is that breaking news?
It may be hard to believe, but back when Walter Cronkite was doing the news in black-and-white nobody had bothered to invent the ticker yet. Back then, getting the news one story at a time seemed like a good idea, but these days our short attention spans mean that we need to get as much news as possible at the same time. It’s not enough to have a talking head tells what’s going on, we also need a running list of stories that no one really cares about the bottom. Otherwise, there is the very real chance that we will change the channel to an infomercial about the latest and greatest kitchen gadget being talked up by an overly zealous salesperson who promises that it will change everything about food preparation.
The problem with the news ticker is that somebody has to actually enter the information in by hand. This means that for every coiffed and airbrushed news anchor, there are probably a dozen drones sitting in an office somewhere trying to compress a news story into a single digestible sentence. Anyone who works with computers knows that occasionally, these incredible pieces of technology decide, completely apropos of nothing, that they are done working for a while. This inevitably leads to somebody smashing their hand, or face, or coffee cup into the keyboard until something happens.
Clearly, this is exactly what we have here. The cream colored IBM with the tiny CRT display that’s still running Windows 98 locked up the moment the worker tried to enter a sentence into Word Perfect while trying to use Google to fact check his story and he completely lost his mind and started hammering away at the keys, not realizing that it started working an instant before he hit the Enter key. Fortunately, he works for CNN, which nobody really watches anyway.
Simply copy and paste the code below into your web site (Ctrl+C to copy)
More
cc licensed shared by EpicFail (c) 2013
You have one job and that is to make the product correct.
This picture could easily be mistaken for another example of somebody failing to do the one job that they have properly. Instead, it may be an example of somebody taking a stand and making a statement about just how useless the little pour spouts are on cardboard boxes.
“Press In and Pull Out” are the most useless directions ever printed not any consumer product in the history of the world. You push in, and nothing happens because what looks like perforations are actually just an elaborate tease to get you to bed your thumb backwards against what is probably the strongest piece of cardboard that you have ever come across. Eventually, you either jam your thumb over and over in a fit of rage that leaves you unable to write for the next two weeks or you simply stab at what is supposed to be the opening with a kitchen knife. If you do manage to get the spot to bend in, getting it back out is an act of wizardry that would make Gandalf blush.
Instead, what you end up with is a gnarly looking hole that nothing pours out of properly and that is completely impossible to properly seal up once you are done using whatever product it is. The idea that a manufacturer would put a plastic pop top over one of these unusable cardboard spouts may seem like a helpful addition to anyone who has never actually done battle with a cardboard container in the first place.
Maybe the worker, realizing how pointless the whole thing actually is, decided to try and save the end user a little bit of aggravation by simply gluing the plastic lid out of the way, making it easier to saw the corner of the box off with a simple steak knife.
Simply copy and paste the code below into your web site (Ctrl+C to copy)
More
cc licensed shared by EpicFail (c) 2013
How do you get that messed up?
If there is any justice in the world all, this toilet seat lives in a stall in a nightclub frequented by frat boys and sorority sisters. And, although it may run afoul of the law and a person reasonable expectation of privacy, a camera capturing the drunk ponderings of a college aged partier as they try to figure out exactly how this contraption works would easily make for the greatest YouTube video ever uploaded.
While there may be no way to possibly turn this toilet seat into a functional item, it is the perfect choice for any husband who has had enough of his wife yelling at him to lift the seat up before doing his business. Sure, sleeping on the couch is pretty much a guaranteed repercussion, but sometimes you have to make a few waves in order to get your point across. Unfortunately, the waves are going to be those coming out of the toilet bowl as his better half tumbles in rear first in the middle of the night, but it will definitely be worth it at least once.
The bigger problem is that if this happens to reside in a Men’s room, the wall exposed in the opening might as well have a target painted on it. There really is no way that the floor surrounding this toilet is not going to be covered in pee regardless of which sex uses the restroom since men will aim for the bull’s-eye against the wall and women who are paying attention will either end up with a wet backside or end up trying to do their business on a sealed commode.
Simply copy and paste the code below into your web site (Ctrl+C to copy)
More
cc licensed shared by Theyfailed (c) 2013
Where are all the Trekkies when you need them?
Wasn’t it great when Hermione Granger finally shared her first kiss with Edward? Didn’t you get a rush of excitement when Gandalf handed the cloak of invisibility over to Harry? Who can forget the moment that the Enterprise fired photon torpedoes into the thermal exhaust ports on the Death Star?
There are four types of people in the world. There are those who take their sci-fi and fantasy far too seriously. There are those who could not possibly care less about what happens in imaginary worlds. There are those people who love nothing more than getting a rise out of nerds by deliberately trolling them. And there are those people who desperately want to fit in, but who couldn’t tell the difference between a White Wizard and a Sith Lord even if the fate of every student at Hogwarts hung in the balance.
The most tragic thing about this picture is not so much that she confused one of the main characters from the Star Trek franchise with one from Star Wars, it was that she couldn’t even be bothered to spell Spock’s name correctly. Maybe she was too excited by the fact that Capt. Quirk was the one actually snapping the picture or maybe her recent run-ins with Barry Potter and Froyo Bagboy just left her so frazzled that she didn’t think to fact check her post before putting it out there for the world to see. At least the rage that comes her way from everyone in attendance at ComiCon will be tempered by her delight that comes her way from every troll who stumbles across this picture.
Simply copy and paste the code below into your web site (Ctrl+C to copy)
More
